Here

Sometimes life seems so backwards. I’ve come so far, gone so far. Traveled to far countries, seen human suffering, joy and realized how to enjoy the moment I’m in. So many places and there was a time I fit in to the world around me. I’ve been back for a while, I still feel out of place. People I should fit in with I don’t, people I used to fit in with I cannot. Oh, my heart I just want to go. I try to enmesh my self in this place for a bit, after all it is an area I should call home. And yet I don’t and yet I don’t. I know some of it is just a phase to go through. This is an awfully long phase. God help me, perhaps I should have joined the group that was preparing to be whisked away by the ship behind the moon. Lovely thought that, thought the sneakers were not my style (it’s what kept me out). One of my favorite quotes:

 

"Human strength and human greatness spring not from life’s sunny side. Hero’s must be more than driftwood floating on a waveless tide."    ~A.B. Simpson

 

Right now I am tossed in the sea. I can be nothing more than me. And yet people around me expect me, expound me and I am so short I cannot even see up on to their table of perfection. When I traveled, when it was just God and I, every thing I could take in and stand. I cannot explain the joy of being held with in the Creators hand every move, every sound, guided harmonic, and I was untouched by any thing, because I could feel Him always. He loves to take care of us. And now trying to take care of myself, to live the normal life, I cannot find Him. I’m here; I’m here, GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME? I’m here. Curled up in a ball under their table of perfection. Can you send your angels to minister to my soul, peace courage wisdom hope I will be free again. Patience (but not through trial please). Something, whatever you see fit. Looking back I know I will see this is just a really big wave, and my boat is fine. I feel like the disciples yelling “help us” Lord and all along they were safe just untrusting. But still i’m here now. I hope God reads this.

 

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